By: Angie Cartwright
I have lost many to physical death like so many of you. Today I wanted to discuss what I call "Grieving The Living." I truly never realized the sadness, longing, heartache and loneliness I was experiencing over relationships that were either over, never happened, or broken.
I have grieved in many different ways over many people who were still alive. There is no comparison losing someone to death and someone who is alive. I don't want to compare any loss. All loss hurts and all loss is personal and unique to the griever who is experiencing it. Please know this post is about one particular kind of loss that, if you have not experienced it, then this post will probably not make sense.
I didn't even realize grieving for the living until after my mother passed from a drug overdose. It came months after her death. My relationship with my mother was at times painful and nonexistence. As I grieved her physical death I had these moments of painful clarity that I had experienced some of these intense feelings with her most of my life.
We were taken from my mother and placed in foster care due to her alcoholism. This would happen on and off until the age of thirteen. At thirteen I was permanently removed from her. As I was experiencing the physical loss I could feel that I had these same feelings when she was alive. I grieved her so. Then I would have said I was sad, my heart was shattered. This was the beginning of me realizing all the grief I have experienced through my life.
Examples of Grieving The Living:
1. A family member who struggles with addiction.
2. A loved one in prison.
3. Adoption
4. A friendship broken
5. A broken relationship boyfriend/girlfriend
6. Separation from anyone you love.
7. Divorce
8. Abandonment
9. Being Orphaned
10. Abuse of any kind sexual/physical/mental
11. Being Bullied
12. Not being validated (Listened too)
13. Friends and family separation after a loss in the family.
I wanted to share this with all of you as it made a huge impact on me to see how much grief I have, and had been in. I definitely am not wanting to look for more ways to grieve. But, to truly know my journey and to be able to find different ways to help me heal as a human being became vital. There are many other situations and relationships we grieve over. Above are some examples.
Question: How do I know if I'm grieving something?
My answer: If it breaks your heart, you're grieving.
I send all my love and warm hugs to you today. I would love to invite you to share your experiences with this type of grief. If you're not able to, its okay. No pressure. Maybe reading other experiences will help.
It seems so weird to say I felt better knowing I was grieving more than I thought, but I did and do. It was still very painful.... please don't get me wrong, very painful. The discovery of all the grief helped to put a finger on heartache that often society overlooks and doesn't see it as grief. Today that is changing.
Remember, if it broke your heart or is breaking your heart, then you are experiencing grief. Please feel free to post under this post and share your experiences.
All my love,
Angie Cartwright
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