BY EMILY BARNHARDT
After losing a close loved one to suicide in 2014, I’ve gained a deeper level of awareness and a different perspective on the issue of suicide as a whole. I am a Christian, and through my experience of grieving a loss by suicide, my eyes have been opened to the unfortunate reality of how suicide is frequently viewed from a Christian perspective. Due to its taboo nature, I think suicide is sadly often a “hot potato” subject within the church, and I’ve found that one of the main obstacles in grieving this type of loss as a Christian is figuring out how to navigate the surplus of controversial opinions on suicide within the Christian community.
I know some Christians may not agree with my words, as is the case with discussion on any taboo subject, regardless of religion. And that’s OK. However, it is a fact that I do have a different perspective on this subject, as a Christian, than another Christian per say, who has never lost a close loved one to suicide or experienced that depth of darkness themselves. And I think, in these situations, we can benefit in stopping to listen to those who have walked paths we have not yet walked ourselves, in order to learn how we might be able to better approach that issue and be more equipped in helping people through it.
I know some Christians may not agree with my words, as is the case with discussion on any taboo subject, regardless of religion. And that’s OK. However, it is a fact that I do have a different perspective on this subject, as a Christian, than another Christian per say, who has never lost a close loved one to suicide or experienced that depth of darkness themselves. And I think, in these situations, we can benefit in stopping to listen to those who have walked paths we have not yet walked ourselves, in order to learn how we might be able to better approach that issue and be more equipped in helping people through it.
I’m writing this to those who share my Christian faith in hopes that my words might function as a bridge over the gap of understanding I’ve observed when it comes to the issue of suicide. I see my experience as an opportunity, not to criticize or condemn us as Christians, but to empower us in our efforts to be a light in the darkness.
I experienced a few dark nights in the deepest season of my grief. I can’t explain that feeling of darkness that I felt those specific nights and days. It felt as if the pain my loved one carried the night she took her life had somehow transferred to me. It felt like satan himself was hovering over me and covering me. That feeling – a feeling of terrifying and suffocating darkness - is exactly what can drive a person to take their own life. I can only explain it as a level of consuming darkness that no Christian, even one who is fully aware of the power of satan, could ever begin to imagine unless they are taken to that exact level of darkness themselves. It’s oppression and evil that is beyond description.
That is honestly why it hurts me to hear Christians label someone who takes their own life as selfish, because I know the power of the enemy and the horrifying extents to which he can blind us. I want to be clear in saying that Christians are not to blame for the belief that suicide is selfish. It’s unfortunately a common response across the board, religion or no religion, and it’s a misguided and insensitive response. We assume that, because a person carried out the action of taking his/her life, they rationally made the decision to. Suicidality and rationality cannot possibly coexist in a person’s mind; suicide itself illustrates the horrific power of irrational thinking.
It’s interesting to me that we Christians often express that the act of suicide is selfish, when the reality is, shouldn’t we as Christians actually have more understanding that suicide doesn’t testify to a person’s character, but rather to the level of pain and spiritual attack they were under? After all, we know how powerful satan can be and we know the dark deception that can so easily blind us and take over our rational mind.
And I feel the need to clarify that the power of satan’s deception in the mind of someone who takes their life does not imply that person is/was possessed by demons. Those are two entirely different situations and I’ve unfortunately heard too many grieving people share with me the wounds they carry from the church saying their loved one was possessed. I personally do not agree with that approach toward someone hurting at all. When someone is in that depth of despair, it does not mean they are possessed. It means that satan is trying with all his might to steal, kill, and destroy; he is trying to steal joy, kill life, and destroy rational perspective.
I’m also not saying that all Christians take the wrong approach when it comes to suicide; they don’t. I think this is exactly why this subject is unfortunately avoided and/or met with defensiveness on both sides. I can only speak to my experience and the experiences I’ve heard from others. And I myself am a Christian; therefore, you can trust that the sole intention of my words is to help those who suffer and empower us to try to see things from a different perspective.
As Christians, we categorize things as sinful and not sinful in our minds, because it’s important in how we live our lives. However, when it comes to suicide - whether it is a person currently battling those thoughts or someone having passed away from it – I wonder if our “sin categories” can sometimes unintentionally lead us first to judgment rather than discernment and compassion.
Because in reality, the issue of suicide isn’t about selfishness or sin; it’s about deception and darkness. It isn’t the result of a person’s choice; it’s the result of the enemy’s powerful deception to make a person believe that there is no other choice. And when it comes to deception and darkness, we know who to blame for that…and it isn’t the person who is suffering.
My hope is that we would reflect on how we view and approach issues such as suicide, so that we can be confident that the way we’re responding is life-giving and life-changing in a beneficial way…a way that brings hope and life.
